Prince William the ‘motherf***er’

QUEEN MEETS PRINCE

Welcome to The Shock Exchange in the week that America’s greatest cultural export met the United Kingdom’s. No, it’s not Ariana Grande and Peppa Pig, we’ve done that already.

Prince William and his children posed for a selfie with Taylor Swift and her boyfriend Travis Kelce, who merrily binned the royal protocol that you’re not supposed to talk about your private meetings.

In fact, he summoned up all his courtly politeness to describe meeting the future king in London. “He was the coolest motherf***er,” he said. “He was so cool.” Very regal.

WHO’S HOT, WHO’S NOT

▲ Suri Cruise - Tom and Katie’s daughter’s new name is ‘nod to her mum’

▲ Kim Kardashian - looks stunning in leopard-print bikini

▲ Michael Jackson - son Prince remembers him 15yrs on: “Miss you pops”

▼ Kelly Bensimon - TV star reveals ‘red flag’ that caused her to end wedding

▼ Sabrina Carpenter - singer caught up in VIP ticket controversy

▼ Drake - under fire from Sheryl Crow for using Tupac in diss track

Source: Google Trends

▲ PERRY REVEALING

Katy Perry went topless in an elegant display at Paris Fashion Week. Or, as one outlet put it: “Bianca Censori’s got nothing on me… check out my knockers!”

The singer, who wore nothing on her top half except an open fur coat and sunglasses said she wanted to be “streamlined, sexy, sensual”

And naked?

▲ PICKING UP THE BILL

Here’s a couple who probably won’t have to search the back of the sofa for loose change, because Bill Gates’ elegant daughter has revealed she’s dating Paul McCartney’s grandson.

Phoebe Gates posted a picture of “my boyfriend, Arthur, giving me a lift post-ceremony” while documenting her graduation from Stanford.

But we think we know who’s picking up the check at the family dinners. Beatles legend Paul might be worth a billion dollars - but Bill’s got $134 billion!

▼ DAHMER QUEEN

We’ve seen some dubious celebrity endorsements in our time but we didn’t think we’d ever see this one. Ariana Grande named her dream dinner guest as… serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

The pop star recalled being asked who she’d want dinner with, saying: “Jeffrey Dahmer's pretty fascinating. I think I would have loved to have met him, maybe with a third party or something. But I have questions.”

We never got to hear what Ariana would serve Dahmer, who was known as the Milwaukee Cannibal. Probably for the best.

Q: POP QUIZ

This week it was revealed that some of the team behind Succession have been brought in to run the new Harry Potter series on HBO.

But it’s not the first link between the two epics - Logan Roy star Brian Cox was nearly cast as which of these Potter characters?

A. Dumbledore

B. Mad Eye Moody

C. Severus Snape

▼ PARIS: MY ABUSE HELL

Paris Hilton has opened up about her school-days hell, saying she was sexually abused and force-fed medication.

The heiress claimed she was “ripped” from her bed and shuttled to a tough academy in a bid to curb her rebellious behavior when she was 16.

“I was violently restrained and dragged down hallways, stripped naked and thrown into solitary confinement,” the reality TV legend told a hearing in Congress, adding: “I will not stop until America’s youth is safe.”

▲ KARD DAY’S WORK

If the Barbie dream house came to life it would probably look a bit like the $70 million Malibu mega-mansion that was once owned by Cindy Crawford.

But now it’s in the hands of Kim Kardashian, who had to take out a $48 million mortgage to buy the place (make sure you keep up repayments!) and wasted no time giving the place a huge makeover.

Gone is the Mamma Mia-esque Mediterranean-style look with the plain gray style beloved of the reality star being imposed on the property. Or as one fan put it: “Two years to transform it from a Spanish style hotel into a Travelodge.”

▼ TIMBERRRR!

Pop superstar and Martini enthusiast Justin Timberlake initially looked like he might be in some hot water with the wife after his DWI arrest. Jessica Biel was seen without her wedding ring.

But first she popped it back on and then she was seen cheering him on at a performance, after he admitted it had been a “tough week”.

And it may be about to get tougher. It emerged that Justin’s arrest may have come after someone close to him tipped off the police.

A: POP QUIZ

So which Harry Potter character did Succession titan Brian Cox almost end up playing? It was Mad Eye Moody, the character who wound up being played by Brendan Gleeson.

He said in his book: “Brendan was more in fashion than I was at that point, and that’s very much the way of the world in my business, so he got it.”

Brian added graciously: "Also, he’s much better than I would have been."

UNDER THE RADAR

Here’s some other stories you might have missed this week…

• Crazy Town singer Shifty Shellshock - aka Seth Binzer - dead aged 47

• Movie legend Kevin Costner poses with all five of his children

• Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones’ house for sale (for $12m)

• Release date for the third Downton Abbey film revealed